• Desiree Montesano

Emotional Intelligence Can Help

I have been working on these skills personally for about 10 years. After failed relationships, friendships, even times of self doubt and not getting results. An old therapist recommended a book that started me on this path of just becoming more aware of these qualities I want to have for my life and definitely pass on to my children.


At the bottom of this post I will share some of my favorite books with you. I did use them and reference to get the information I am passing on to you. Emotional Intelligence can be used in so many aspects of our lives. So many successful people use these tools everyday just to live. When I say successful I don't necessarily mean money, just at life. Stay at home moms like myself can definitely use these tools everyday to stay sane, keep our shit together, and just stay focused on our main job. Raising kids is hard, so many people have to adjust and teach their own children right now. I've seen frustration already in week 1. In my opinion we should all be doing some extra homework these days for our mental health and wellness.


Did you know that by age 4 maybe even earlier children start using ways to eliminate stress in themselves. What 4 year old should be stressed? In teaching them different ways to cope we also can keep our own cool. So many times I want to yell and scream at my daughter but what will she learn? Especially with all our activities closed and things cancelled it's hard to do arts and crafts, and play and puzzles, and keep a clean house and just not get stir crazy. Trust me I am no saint, I loose it sometimes, but If I didn't take these tools into account I'd really go off the deep end.


Serving a purpose in my everyday life is what gets me going. I am a mother. I wake up everyday (normally started with exercise) and it fuels me to be the best damn mom, and wife for the day! So when I'm sad, or frustrated how can I focus on what my ultimate job is. Lately it's been meditating and writing blog posts. I've been sharing more on Instagram. For me these connections and advice I give and receive each day from other awesome people helps my ultimate goal.


I'm writing out the tools for you as a parent, If you yourself need the extra curricular exercise take children out of the step :)


Step 1.

We need to be aware of our children's emotions. Don't dismiss what they feel. Just because they are little humans doesn't mean their feelings aren't important.


Step 2.

See the emotions as opportunity. It's nice to converse and share feelings. How many times growing up or in adult life do we get bulldozed by someone who has no feeling or sense of communication. Why do it to our kids. Work out the challenges. If it's anything we have now, it's time!


Step 3.

Listen and Validate their Feelings. We may not always agree. Showing empathy to them (to ourselves) helps understand what they feel. Yes even though your toddler can barley put together a sentence they are 100% showing emotions of frustration and need to be listened to.


Step 4.

Label emotions. Developing their vocabulary on what these feelings are can also be a great lesson. If they are older use it for spelling words. With Eleanor (Daniel Tiger) helps us identify our feelings through song.


Step 5.

Problem Solving. We need to remember emotions are acceptable but behaviors aren't. Setting a goal can help in reaching the end result.


Sometimes it's hard to act out these steps because it happens so quickly, but by knowing them and slowing the process it helps us use it as a lesson. I'm not going to go into "that's what is wrong with the world talk" but if we change our process a little and be patient and communicate this all can be accomplished. Good luck to everyone trying to wrap their heads around what we are dealing with in the world. We are fueled by not knowing, which is causing a crazy amount of fear. Let's try to stay as positive as possible and change our focus. Let's continue to lift each other up on social media.

-xo




Self Awareness

Motivation

Empathy

Self-Regulation

Social- Skills


2 authors I have enjoyed referencing and reading are

John M Gottman and Daniel Goleman




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